So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
