my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
