He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
