In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
