it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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