There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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