you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drake has all the answers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
