i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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