my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
