"it" just moved
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
