Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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