There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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