My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
