I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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