So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
