I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
