oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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