Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
