I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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