Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
