we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
