You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
