and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
