Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
