making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize