We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
