I faked an abortion last night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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