??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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