I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
