Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
