I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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