my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
