I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
