I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
