Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
