I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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