I wannas sexs uuuuu
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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