In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
