you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
