A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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