I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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