here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
