I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
