I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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