Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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