I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
