You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
