I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
