is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
