i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
