Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
